Do you enjoy? Not enjoy? Loathe? Hate? FIND EXTREMELY PLEASURABLE?

Whatever the case is, any constructive criticism you throw my way will be appreciated and definitely thought upon. All I ask is that it's approached in a mature way and ay, we should be set to go. :>

comments screened and anonymous is go! >:

Today marks the first day of my fan-fucking-tastic life where I fell in dinosaur shit.

At first I thought some fatty dropped a three layer chocolate cake but no.

Hell, it wasn't even stepping on--it was straight out falling.

DROWNING IN POUNDS OF SHIT AND HAVING TO SWIM AN OLYMPIC RACE TO HAVE THE BEAUTIFUL FEELING OF FRESH AIR IN MY LUNGS. There's a good reason why they're not around anymore other than that whole planet-killing rock that dropped by for a visit and fuck if it isn't because they couldn't swim through their own shit.

Their own smelly shit with bits of people and probably half eaten tacos and pizzas from garbage cans everywhere.

And screw it if I'm jinxing myself from having the fruitiness, brain-eating, bitch killing screaming but what the hell happened to the fruitcake and zombie bitch? IS IT THE CALM BEFORE THE HIDEOUS STORM THAT WRECKS PEOPLE AND LEAVES BEHIND ONLY DEPRESSION AND SUICIDAL TENDENCIES?

[OOC; yes, the links are IC. feel free to tell him the two of them are long gone. :(]

So, I heard wind from a certain, red-eyed annoying little white bastard that I turned into a little tyke not too long ago.

Yeah, bring up those happy memories again and I'll just have to break your face.

Looks like we got a lot of new meat though and shit do I feel sorry for each and every one of you. There's no more alcohol and I don't really feel like dragging my ass to the bar for work so I call for storytime.

Tell Uncle Badou all about yourselves, kiddos. Where you from, what kinda crazy bitch your mom is, who you shanked, who shanked you if you're a pale, crazy zombie like Lucy and let's just leave out that puberty jazz and we're all set.

...what the hell is this thing? And when did our apartment get so clean? Why are there suddenly super-tight boy pants in my room small enough to pop my pelvis?

Dave?

Nevermind, he's probably getting his fatass shot at by someone right now. Idiot probably threw shit at them to piss them off anyways.

Where's all the food in this dinky little place?

I'm freaking starving.

[high pitched manly scream as Badou realizes his ah. new. wardrobe change. yeah unshaven legs and no chest with a naise red dress = y/n??]

OH MY GOD I'M A WOMAN

Is it just me or has there been a lack of tranny on the network? Maybe the cats finally rebelled and clawed out her eyes and ate her in her sleep.

Anyways, favorite gore movies. Let's share em, I got a pack of chips, soda and a pissy, albino zombie floating around. Nothing better to pass the time with.

I'm so shitfaced right now I swear to got I just put my eyepatch on the wrong side.

Shit, I feel like I'm going to barf up enough half digested nachos and leftover pizza to bathe a starving village of skinny boys and girls everywhere.

Sorry.

Was cursed.

If the side of your building is totally fucked, that was probably me.

[ooc; feel free to have your apartment visited by Badou while he was on his spree. boy went a little off the wall, if you know what i mean. :|]

[there's a shaky image before the recording clears up and presents a wall riddled with holes, the sound of heavy breathing accompanying it. Badou's at the center, dressed in a tuxedo with his hair slicked back, single eyepatch clutched in his hand and his machine gun in the other.]

...I'll kill you, I'll fucking kill you.


[OOC; taken right from chapter 35. insanity ahead.]

Before I get piss drunk, a couple heads up to people.

Free drinks for workers at the Cassagioso apparently but don't fuck it up, my ass is riding on the line. Also got some last minute, I dunno, gifts and shit I guess. I'll drop those off too.

Dunno what the holiday's are really about other than the birth of some crazy kid in a dinky farm or even that fat, white bastard shoving his lard ass through chimneys and touching kids in their sleep while leaving gifts, but I don't give a flying crap. If there's food and alcohol involved, I'm in.

Merry almost Christmas, tards of the City.

[FILTERED TO THE HOWLING DOGS]

So how we doing this dinner? Time and place, come on bastards, stick your head out of your asses and let's get moving on this shit.

( christmas list! )

[OOC; asomfdamf--to that kind anon out there who bestowed their loving christmas spirit upon my unworthy soul, much thanks and a side dish of appreciative love and gushing happiness. your gift really made my day. :)]

So what do people eat on Christmas anyways?

[Private to Nill]

Hey, do Uncle Badou a favor and find out what tranny's sizes are. For clothes and shit, you know.

Hey, dickwads at the Cassagioso.

Over here.

Boss is out for the day due to uh--I'll just say complications ladeeda so I don't get my ass kicked or fired, or even worse, get my alcohol privileges taken away. For some dumb ass reason, he thought it'd be a fucking peachy idea to give me management responsibility.

I don't even know how to take care of a goldfish yet alone a bar and all the workers and drunk douchebags stumbling around so. Just don't set shit on fire or do something retarded cos I swear to god I'll stub my cigarette out in your eye and shoot so much lead up your ass you wont be able to sit for the rest of your life.

That's all.

And if you see a tranny or a white haired, creepy looking asshole, be the biggest son of a bitch you can. The two of them are out of their fucking mind, no one's home up there.

Looks like we got some new visitor besides the truckload of newbies shipped to this shithole city on a daily basis.

Sup. Got cigs?

[OOC: feel free to bring in other cast members, spoilers, other Badou's, whatever you want! Break that 4th wall to your hearts sweetest content.]

[private to Haine and Naoto]

What the fuck--the two of you are working under my boss? Since when the hell--you fucking douchebags.

Right. Apparently today is the sampling day of dead bastards.

Screw it if you all taste like Tootsie Rolls, count me out. I'll stick with the hot dogs filled with cut up little kid bits spliced inside and rolled up sticks of rat poison and nicotine, thanks.

Holy crap, I think I slept through an era. What the hell, I don't even remember drinking anything or passing out--and oh my fucking jesus christ on a tricycle, I smell like I swam through an ocean of feces and garbage juice.

And nothing personal but the next cat who comes up to me and paws at me, I swear I will fucking kick that scrawny, furry ass with my right boot and punt it across the city. The rest of you with fleas can go bother Haine or the tranny, she's got enough cats to start a nation.

Catopia. Where the only rule is to have both girly and manly bits and vomit furballs all day.

Gross.

The rate Snowflakes is kicking me and passing me around his prostitute ring is getting me fucking antsy.

It's not my damn fault the apartment got messy. It's like. Fate or some shit. Maybe the unstoppable force kind of crap. And it's not like the bastard doesn't have dirty habits either, I swear to fucking god he's doing some weird shit in the bathroom cos whenever I get back in there it's always either smelly or just plain nasty.

Maybe he jacks off in there with his pale litt-- Oh. OH OKAY. OH FUCKING GROSS. STOPPING THE THOUGHT PROCESS RIGHT NOW CAUSE OH GOD, MY EYE, MY MIND, MY PURITY OHh godfuckingdammit. I will never be the same.

I bet the tranny is having a fucking joyride about this, not that I've ever seen her laugh (I'm not even sure if she's capable, fo' serious) but then again she has a dick so I guess I got the last laugh there, HAH.

..........................okay, yeah.

Badou Nails, over and out. If I'm not fucking dead by the morning.

This is so fucking gross, you deities are a bunch of sick, sadistic, crazy motherfuckers.

But this sure brings a whole new meaning to seeing red though, doesn't it? HAhah.a... ha.h.ha....hah.


Yeah, no. I'm just gonna smoke this one out.

[sounds of running and heavy panting along with the dragging of artillery and a pathetic whimper every now and then.]

...when you guys find me with my toasty, black lungs ripped out of my throat and my sexy crooked fingers flung all over the damn place like party confetti, I don't want any of you fuckers peeing on my grave.

I FUCKING MEAN IT. That shit is nasty.

And if you see an angry white-faced-pale-as-hell motherfucker--I want you to tell him that this crazy one-eyed bastard who SORT OF WANTS TO KEEP HIS PENIS ATTACHED TO HIS BODY AND HIS BRAINS NOT ALL OVER THE FUCKING LIVING ROOM FLOOR IS GONE. HARRY HOUDINI KIND OF GONE. YOU POINT TO THE PRETTY LITTLE SKY AND LOOK HIM STRAIGHT IN HIS BEADY EYES AND TELL HIM THAT ONLY THE HOLY BEARDED FUCKER UP THERE KNOWS--OH FUCking SHIT I HATE MY LIFE--

[and there he goes, tripping over his own feet, successfully disconnecting and ending this lovely voice post brought to you by the one and only Badou Nails. 8D;

Oh and Haine? HE'S PLAYING COMPLETELY UNAWARE TO THIS RIDICULOUS BIDDING YOU MADE. AS FAR AS HE KNOWS, THIS SHIT NEVER HAPPENED.....however, he did almost set the apartment on fire before he ran out of the door. Go figure, huh?]